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Thursday, February 4, 2016

A Beautiful Life

    I have this platform to share about my quilting mostly. I usually don't over share about life on here. Today is different. This will not be a quilty post. It has been raining here for a few days. It has just been dreary. Today, the sun is shining through the window, and it is  hurting my eyes. Everything seems to be covered with a layer of loss so deep that I know cleaning it will not work. The colors are dull like my feelings. Although, the glare is there, and I can see it. The same is happening with my ears. The words are just so harsh. They lack softness. This is what loss feels like to me.


You can even see the rays coming in the window. I wonder if she is there telling me not to mourn.



 
 
 
     This photo was taken of Brandy and I in 2010. That was one of the last photos of us together. The title is A Beautiful Life, and it was beautiful. A fun and crazy life.  Brandy and I were step-sister's, and I loved her from the very beginning. We were polar opposites really. She loved beer, and I loved Tequila. She was fiery and fearless even as a child. She was strong willed and determined. It was like she was always on fire and nothing could put that fire out.

   As I said, I have a different temperament all together. I would always over think things while she rolled her eyes at me. While she is asking, why do you do that? Can we just go? Sometimes, I would cave.... She put the fun in fun, and the cray cray in crazy. When we were in our 20's, we partied or she did. I would be her dutiful older sister. I would go with her to make sure that she didn't get arrested  for a DUI or some other crazy shenanigans that she would cook up. If she was a chef, she would've been a master.

One night, I decided to stay in. We had children now, and I wanted to settle down. The younger sister went out  with her. I tried to warn her to stay in, and by morning they had toilet papered and egged her exes car  on the inside. They tried to shatter the windshield with a bat. She swore Jewel to secrecy... because they were back together the next day. This song is so her!!! Picture me singing this at full blast in her memory! She would have loved that.



She was trouble with a capital T!
 
As someone that likes to avoid all drama and loud confrontation. You could assume Brandy was in your face. You would be right. If she felt it, she was saying it for the world to hear. I felt bad for all the boyfriends before my husband. If she didn't like them, they knew it. Heck, she bit one. I mean, she bit him and left marks. I don't know why she did it to this day.  She would always confess after the fact. Waiting for me to condemn her crazy behavior. I loved her though. She knew that always.
 
She always knew the right things to say. She knew me just as well. Her and my other sister are the one's that know me the best. She knew me a little more deeply and longer. From ballerina tutu's to being mothers carrying our first born children at the same time.
 
She loved purple and unicorns. She believed in fairy tale love. She listened to music and really didn't like watching tv. In the middle of winter, when frost was on the ground, she would have every window open. The "Ice Princess" living in Florida. It was so funny to call her that, because she was a very loving person to those close to her. She had a way of looking so innocent. I think it was in the eyes. I would just wonder how people didn't see the gleam in her eye of mischief. She loved to bake in the sun with me though. She burned that candle so bright.  She loved her daddy. She was never right after he passed. I couldn't watch her drug addiction and pain through life struggles. I hoped that tough love would work and that she would get through it. Even though, I promised to look after her. I thought that was the right thing. She was getting her life back on track it seemed. I thought she was coming back. I messaged her 6 months ago.
 
She wanted to call, but she didn't want to me to know what she was up to. Even though, I begged her that I would not judge her or anything. I just wanted to be there for her. She knew that I would know all her secrets instantly. I would hear it in her voice. I would see it in her face. I wish I could rewrite her past and that nothing bad would have ever happened to her.  I would do everything to make it better. I would've handed her the bat to bash that window. Silly girl.
 
These tears I shed are selfish. God has her now. I will move forward, and try to live out loud. I will make sure that sweet baby Isaac knows your heart. We promised that. A promise I intend to keep.
 
 
I love you Brandy!
In Loving Memory
 
 
 
 
    

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