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Saturday, May 20, 2017

Withholding in a swap

Hi there friends and swappers. Today, I want to share with you the meaning of withholding in a swap and what it means to the person who is withholding, their partner, and the swap mama. I will also share how I can see that this is happening. There's even a chart with fictious names to show you examples. Tried and true, 9 swaps running. This also dives into my verification process that people are sending and receiving. How I know if you have tracking and other things. So, that you can clearly understand how I can see if someone is withholding. Withholding is something that the swapper does on their own. This is not when the swap mama asks you not to send. That is different and is disscussed below.

Only the names are fictitious, withholding is very real and those names are real.


The basics of most swaps. You are partnered with someone. That person is not the same person that is sending to you. Most swaps work this way. There are times when you do a swap with the person that is sending to you and you send to them.

This is the same exact layout that I use in a very accurate way to know when people have shipped and received. I update this list when someone sends. I also have columns for IG names and emails

I will make a mock sheet for you to see below and examples:

person     sending to      receiving from
1. Amy        Lou               Bob        SN: unverified
 2. Lou           Joe              Amy
3.Cathy      Bob               Joe         
4. bob     Amy                 Cathy
Joe        Cathy                Lou


Example: Amy is number 1. She has sent. I highlight the sending to column under her name green. She is sending to Lou and when Lou receive, I go to 2. under receiving column where it says Amy and  highlight Yellow. If Amy never let me know she sent, once Lou posts that she received Amy's package, I go back and highlight Amy's sending to column  Lou green. Because Lou has it, that means Amy sent it. It is a great method and can be used in many ways to double check work. I do write in side notes for myself.

One example of a side note is tracking verified. It means, I have seen the tracking. Unverified means, I have not seen tracking, but they said that they sent. Below it looks as if Lou sent, so she is green. Unverified to the right means, tracking unseen. Eventually, package should get to Lou, and if not. I ask for tracking.

Withholder's look like this: Blank  across all columns. There is only one that looks like this in this example. It could be 2 reasons, they haven't sent and they are going too. That is the option that I like. There's option 2, which means that they are a withholder. The longer it stays white across the more likely they are a withholder. When it is time to ship and they are still white across the row, and I have checked on them. They have the package ready. They side step my email. They are withholding. Bob is the withholder here, I have checked by email if they have shipped and the package is ready to ship. There's no response to emails about shipping. They will sometimes give me a fictious shipping deadline. Then, I have to reask for shipping info. I usually post an IG that you have to ship by deadline,or your partner will get an angel. Once angels are assigned the non-sending swapper or withholder will be out of the swap.

Obviously, we can see who has and hasn't received. However Amy sent her package long ago. Lou received. It looks like Amy needs an angel, but I know that Bob is withholding. Becuase he didn't get anything yet, and his package is ready to ship. He still has not shipped.  So, I have to send Amy the angel package. However, Bob will not be getting a package, because he chose to not send to Amy's package to her on time. He has forced me to send an angel package. Therefore, now, he will not be getting an angel package. He actually did need one and made things very difficult.

Once Bob doesn't get an angel package.


Amy should have received from Bob, and Bob should have gotten the angel package. Bob will now send me a nasty email for providing Amy with a package. Then, they will not come back to the swap. I will be ok with this as Amy didn't deserve their shenanigans. We are adults. 

However, Bob could email me at anytime and let me know the reason that they cant send. I will wait to the point that they say that they can send in 3 days. Which sometimes they will send and sometimes not. By day 3, they haven't sent. I send a new email asking for that tracking.  Now, he has made Amy wait a very long time. Sometimes, Bob will send after Amy gets an angel, hoping to get something or save face. That will not save Bob. 

Poor Bob. No, I don't think so. Bad Bob.

Swap Mama asks you to wait to send. This is not withholding.


It is shipping time: You (swapper) are supposed to send to your partner. So, let's talk about this here. Some swap mamas will ask you not to send if your partner hasn't shown any progress. This is simple to explain. We as a swap host and fellow swappers don't want them to get a package if their intent is to grab and go (Taker). This doesn't mean anything bad. Sometimes, people are late.

However, if your partner has sent or has progress in their feed, and your swap mama has given you the go ahead to send. Then, you should send.  This doesn't atuomatically make you a withholder. The exception to this is that you are waiting on the deadline or a payday which is acceptable.


What does make you a withholder is that you are ready to send and haven't received a package. 
The second thing that clearly marks you as a withholder is the package is ready, and you still haven't received your package. They will not send until they get their package. Angels are assigned all at one time. Not when the withholder gets their angel package. 

How is this impactful to a swap. 

1.  This is EXTREMELY unfair to your partner that has  sent their package, and they are now waiting for you to send. They were kind and on time.

2. This is not going to get you a package any sooner. Frankly, I will not ask for an angel package if you are withholding. I can clearly tell who you are and in some cases, you do this EVERY round. 

3. Now, I will have to give the withholder's partner an angel package. When clearly, you have a package made for them which you won't send.

Let me describe what an angel package is and how it works , in most swaps, angels are acquired to make a package for any swapper that hasn't gotten a package AND who has sent their package on time.  An angel already sent to their partner, and they will volunteer to give a fellow swapper a package out of the kindness of their heart. They don't get anything in return. They are just being kind. 
In some cases angels were given to a swapper that hasn't received, and the withholder will now send their package after they found out that their partner was going to get an angel package.
It really sucks for the withholder, because you ARE the one who needs the angel package. BUT you will not get one if you withhold. Because you have created the need for 2 angels!!! 

If a withholder just sent the package to their partner on time or when the swap mama advised, they would get an angel package just like anyone else. 

This is how things work in my swaps, but I know that withholding can happen in any swap. If a withholder ships after their partner gets an angel package. They withholder assume that all is well and get mad if you sent their partner an angel package. Well, that doesn't work for me. I don't like to waste anyone's time or money, and if they withholder just sent the package. Everything would workout, and they would get their angel package. Please do not withhold in the swap. If you don't send by the send by date, then you will not get an angel package even if you deserve one. Because you don't deserve one if you are withholding. It causes double the problem.

These are my own experiences. I have hosted 9 rounds. I see this all the time. I just thought, I would explain what it is and how I know it. This may help other swap mamas out there too. 

Easy fix: just send the package. 

We have what looks like possible 28 withholders. I think half of them might be flakers. 70 haven't sent, but are sending by the deadline. This is why swap mama's don't play. However, I try to be cordial and nice. Not all swappers are like this and I try to give benefit of the doubt.